Problems on being a women

My problem with women and feminism and women as well as men trying to say we are all equal is that to do this we must throw away a sense of what makes us (women) us. Alisa L. Valdes piece "Ruminations of a Feminist Fitness Instructor" really angered me in some way. Here Valdes "Just saying my title is enough to make most people laugh: feminist aerobics instructor." She starts off her article saying that she was a contradiction. She used to tell her students to eat whatever they wanted and they would look at her as if she were the mad hatter. I can understand this. She was offering a class to a wide range of women, many who felt pressured by a patriarchal society to fit and be a "certain body". How could any good feminist offer such a class and thus also succumb to the patriarchal society? However, my problem lies in the fact that she is giving up something of herself to fit into another piece of herself. Why must we as females choose pieces of ourselves appear correct?

Here is what I mean and what I am trying to get out. As a young girl I grew up with two older brothers. My father always told me I was no different than boys and offered me the opportunity to play in every sport my brothers did. However, at the time when this was offered I was a true girly girl. "Do they have pink shoes?" "No?" "Then I don't wanna play" This is actually quite comical seeing how I played all these sports and games with my brothers on the weekends and after school and was always the first girl and even the first person to be chosen for games of football, kickball, or dodgeball in recess. I was in a sense hypocritical at a young age. I must say however, that one of the biggest reasons, besides not having pink cleits, for not wanting to play was because I would be on an all girls team- I would not be with my brothers or the boys I normally played with and this did not interest me.

At the same time this was going I was also involved in swimming, horse back riding, as well as dance- all forms of dance. I grew to love dancing. It become not something I did but who I was. I danced with the Moscow Ballet Company, had major roles in productions that my school put on, went to Governor's school for the arts. At one point in time I was dancing up to around 20-30 hours a week if not more. If something was bothering me I would dance. It was just me and the music and suddenly everything would be okay. If I was happy it would come across in my dance. Dance was my outlet and I did it for no one but me.

Yet after reading Valdes piece, she like me loved to exercise and dance but eventually she felt the need to stop and pull herself "away from the contradictions?" It seems like she notices the fact that excessing is huge in her life and is something that does make her happy, yet at the same time she looks around and sees women trying to obtain an imperfect body that is supposed to be attainable. I understand that she did not want a part of that. Yet, I think she looses herself by riding fitness and claiming that women who choose to exercise are "suffer(ing) at the hands of a patriarchal society, a society that even convinces us to hurt ourselves, so that we are kept from the real business of our lives." She does not allow herself to realize that she can, as well as other women, love to work out or dance and not be a contradiction to feminism.

Today, I do not dance, at least not like I used to. I do not swim or run like I used to. (Forgot to mention that these are also things I did- and loved to do. When I was running or swimming I was not thinking about anyone but me and the clock (when it came to races, but other times running and swimming also provided me an outlet to just clear my head). Today I cannot stand here and say "When I go to the gym my only reason is for myself- of course there are other motives- I do want to look good. Yet, that is not to say that when I am sad or confused or just need an outlet I do not turn to these avenues. Tonight I started dancing again, and the happiness I felt made me question why I ever left. I believe myself to be a feminist. To believe that women and men are equal, but I do not thing women need to give up things that may be deemed "womanly" to be a good feminist. We should not have to choose one piece of ourselves over another. We are complex human beings and this is okay!!!!